Why BEAUTIFUL WOMEN who want COMMITment will NEVER be ASKED on a REAL DATE, but a stripper will

Good piece… and while not saying I fit the description, still appreciate that it’s noticed overall.

Real News

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The Most Beautiful Successful & Loyal Women have never been taken out on a real date.

“Many females are gold diggers, too stuck up, so how can I approach? If you don’t have a big bank account to spoil on them, they won’t let you ask them out,” a tall, muscular, Australian futures trader asked me at a public speak I did for a group of business men, through a third-party cooperation.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow@fuel4thebody

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem
Facebook.com/AEAseem

“The Most Beautiful Successful Women have never been taken out on a real date; not because they are gold diggers, cocky, stuck up or unapproachable. Beautiful Women are actually the most approachable, sweetest, friendly, financially independent, caring women,” I responded. “As men, we must be chivalrous enough to ask her out on a REAL date, plan and pay for everything. But don’t “ask” her; be confident and say,

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10 Things More Important Than Beauty

For so long, I was solely focused on outer. I would tackle outer and inner beauty as separate entities. But you can’t. They hold hands… hell, they are fingers on the same hand. Good read. Reminding us that healthy, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, is beauty.

10 Things More Important Than Beauty.

Soar High Erin… Thank you.

I can’t work now… so I’m going to write. Too much on my mind. Too much on my heart.

I found out, from the wonders of Facebook first thing this morning, that a really good friend of mine from high school passed away from cancer yesterday. So let me state a few things.

1. I can’t even remember if I knew she had cancer. How does that work? Look at her page. Look at her life. She LIVED. Traveled the US, partied, kicked it, laughed, drank, danced… ALL with a huge, bright, brilliant, white smile on her face. If I knew (that she had cancer), it was one of the moments were you pause and get kind of sad, but then she passes you your next shot, and you go on with the party. You never questioned that she whether or not she’d beat it. She made Patch Adams look like a mime. 

2. While I didn’t speak to her as much as I wanted or should of… I have memories. Damn, I was a fat, funny looking/ ugly, awkward high schooler. And to be honest, I’m not sure I’ve grown out of half of those descriptions. But she was one my of my first friends. Seriously. Me, her and Kristin Woods, used to hang out on weekends, lunch, after school, in the rock garden, in violin class, etc.. We made some of my favorite memories from high school, but WAY inappropriate for publicizing as successful and mature adults. LoL. We had fun, we weren’t… that stupid. We laughed. I remember when her and White Leah got their tattoos from Doug’s with their fake IDs, like Sophomore/ Junior year. LoL. I still chuckle.

3. Even without all the talking, when she was near me, she called and invited me out. When I was living in NY, she came to visit around this time. She called me to hang out with her and her family. While her father only slightly remembered me (and I flirted with him shamelessly in high school for him to obviously pay me know mind) she made sure I saw her parents. Made sure we could all sit and chat for awhile before running a muck. I wasn’t separated or on the outside because I wasn’t family… it was her world and she shared with everyone in it. 

4. I think from losing a lot of people around my age, she didn’t make me question life and choice per se, but was a real slap in the face about life. Never thought I’d be mourning the loss of a high school classmate at 30. Young or not. Fair or not fair… unimportant. Just a slap. Sheer shock. HNHS c/o 2001, Cookie Monster!!

5. I keep thinking of her family. God, I wish I could be there to support physically. One of the burdens I carry living, not only outside of the US, but on the opposite side of the US, is that I can’t go to Oakland or the Bay Area and support the way I want. I get news through Facebook, and hours late. Even if a phone call away, unless know my number or where I am, who’s answering a 829 area code? I pray for Frankie, her parents, her cousins, her boyfriend, her older siblings…. because one thing I know, is that Erin is loved. Her best friends were often family, and those best friends who weren’t family, then became family. Her passing, cancer or not, “prepared” or not, is a grave loss.

6. Do I need to make a bucket list? Because Erin had one and accomplished so many. LoL. That’s how life needs to be lived, with or with out reason, or if the reason is only knowing someday it will end. So we need to live it up, live it up.

7. Cancer is something that needs to be fought. Constant fighting, pain, suffering. It’s in moments like this, regardless of the smile one wears, I understand “rest in peace.” Peace, calm, tranquility… no more pain. No more suffering. No more late night tears, or dark looming thoughts, or subconsciously watching the clock. I grateful she is able to REST in PEACE… because obviously her body was tired.

8. There were times in my life where I felt totally unloved, unwanted, completely not normal, insecure as hell. And when those thoughts creep in, I know they are lies. Why? I have so many friends and family- literally around the world- that I know I can call on at anytime and they will be there like the Jackson 5. I think the biggest lesson this has taught me is that we all need to live to make an impact. Even if just our smile. Also, to stop taking people for granted. I’m not going to sit here and lie and act like I’m going to talk to everybody every day or week. It’s not true. But I will stomp that dark cloud that tries to creep, because it lessens the worth of the people who have blessed me by being in my life, and they are worth more.

I don’t have much more to say… trying to keep the tears at bay (and failing) as I make it through the day. Wishing for a hug, comfort and support… then reminded I made the choice to travel the world alone. I just want my pillow, my bed, and some liquor to pour some out for my girl, then a shot for the living.

 

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Erin (resting in peace) is on the left… and my fat ass is on the right. This was taken senior year, when I at least grew into my fatness. LoL

I’d Pull Out my Hair, If I Had Some Left

Okay, I try not to bitch and complain… okay not really. I just hate holding things in, and now is a time I just feel up to my neck.

1. I thought schools were for education. For the students to be priority and to learn. Not for students to put on shows that make the school look good. That’s not their job. And unless an art school, “arts” should not superseded education. Students are failing… but they can mimic a dance! I mean not even dance classes or choirs. Shucking and jiving to a soundtrack. But their costume look great! (Don’t get me wrong, the shows are AWESOME … but kats are repeating exams because failed.)

2. I love how I am constantly reprimanded for putting students education over the school’s “look.” Because I feel students need to handle requirements before extras, I often see myself in that superiors office. LoL. I guess if I’m going to go down for something, trying to better the youth is one of the more glorified reasons to be a martyr.

3. If you ugly on the inside, you ugly on the outside. I mean think about it… you get sick, still wanna go out and dress up, now snot everywhere. Cosmetic corrections won’t cure cancer. Dying, festering, rotting on the inside, but “gorgeous” in MAC and Prada on the outside. Even an ugly spirit comes out when you open your mouth. And even the prettiest mortified body starts to give off a stench. It’s like people with diabetes, and they give off that sweet odor, or one’s breath after garlic or onions. What’s going on the inside, is reflected on the outside.

4. Normally, staff come together as one to bitch about the boss. I mean, not everyone, per se, but you get the drift. So let me tell you what I don’t understand. Co-workers deliberately trying to Mortal Kombat “finish” a coworker. Extreme? How about one that calls parents to tell them to complain to your boss. Or another sending a student, to the HR director, to complain about grades, in attempts to what? Get that person fired? Is that really how we roll? Does no one else see this as a problem?

5. I hear people are “selectively” deaf … okay, well, women. But I’m thinking there may be a mutant strand of “selective” blindness as well. Or maybe its the “5-0” Snitch mentality. Where as, as long as the snitch is giving info up, how one got the information (set up, some other illegal shit) it’s okay. Because, if ALL the drama that “pops up” goes back the the same root… wouldn’t you just pull that weed? I’m saying though. I don’t garden, but if my plants are withering, or not blooming to their normal glory, I’m finding the cause and weed whacking that ass.

6. While I complain, I’m seriously doing something about it. I’m investing time and energy to change what I’m bitching about. … I kinda think that should be the norm. I think it’s scary when people find the norm to be their excusing, especially when completely cognizant that those are excuses. I don’t care how much you pray, “Faith without work is dead.” When I felt low, I seek guidance. When I feel out of whack, I seek peace. When I feel built up… I blog, and wa-la! Less burden. The definition of insanity, is doing the same thing, expecting different results. Stop bitching and moaning. Work for change AND bitch and moan. 😀

7. I guess I’m really not that angry. But for some reason (with all fault my own) I’m still surprised and shocked by the acts of man. I try not to read of the “real” craziness out there, but my goodness; there is some shit next door! Literally. And while I am a self- diagnosed autistic with Asperger- Syndrome… I still know that something is not right, even if I’m only watching from a distance.

8. Oh snaps! I almost forgot. Umm, while I do believe, who people choose to hang out with at work is almost a sure reflection of one’s character, I also recognize that the “character” I see at work in many ways is a facade. I was recently talked about at the water cooler, when a parent couldn’t understand my assignment (remember, based off IN CLASS discussions, so I wasn’t surprised) but she stated that if she told me, I’d get mad. And at first I was shocked because she shouldn’t being doing her son’s homework, then I was type appalled… no one at work has every seen me angry. They’ve see me hurt, disappointed, overwhelmed (on the side of “negative” emotions), but never angry. Not even really mad. I tire of people basing their “knowledge” of you based on rumors. Ta mierda. You don’t know me. Keep my name out cho mouf’!

9. On a more heartfelt note, I’m kinda saddened. My students and I were talking around the “Da Vinci Code” novel and “Mythology” and began to ask some questions about “Christians.” But more so the negative aspects. I got defensive. Reminding them the fault of man and that all “Christians” aren’t the same. I think as humans, one of out hardest lessons is accepting the fault of man, although we constantly ask for forgiveness.

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Letter to my Mommy on her B-Day

I know my life could have been so different… I love this woman for all that she is and all that  she’s not.

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Thank you.

Thank you for being every woman. Showing me that I have the ability to be any and everything, and that the power resides in me.

Thank you for taking the road less taken, and while I still had to stumble and scrape knees, I know the path is a lot clearer because you went before me.

Thank you for being the face of courage, and always pushing forward through fear and the unknown, to make a better life for you and me together.

Thank you for defining what it is to be a woman, lady like and strong, able to do alone, but recognizing it’s okay to want help, while all the while doing it in a great pair of shoes and jewelry to die for.

Thank you for being super woman, and carrying me, into the dark night and saving my life from what could have went in a totally different direction if allowed to drown in alcoholism.

Thank you for being my scale, keeping life balanced. Insuring I saw both sides of the coin, being an example of humility and drive. Living life in the sky, with your feet on the ground.

Thank you for being my candle in the wind. Being that light, that beacon, no matter how dark things have gotten, how cold life had turned, I knew I only had to look up, and there was direction.

Thank you for being an independent lady, and living life to the fullest, no matter where it took you, takes you, you always move forward and onward.

Thank you for living your life for me, and now living it for you. You give me strength to live, just by keeping your presence in mind. You live. God, thank you, because you allow me to live. I don’t sit and cower, or worry, or border on fear of you. And on a purely selfish level, thank you. You make my life easy. You let me live my life. You let me be who I want, while reminding me to be conscious of how I show up in the world. You taught me to be a good person. A child of God. A child of rightiousness and goodness… and remind me that it’s not always easy. But I think the most rewarding moments in those reminders, is when you preface it with, ‘wow, you’re just like me in…” and I always pick my head up higher, because you are someone I want to be like. Someone I honor being a reflection of.

I love you Mommy, and I want to wish you a very happy birthday. 63 seems to be the new 23, because you are starting a new adventure, that can be nothing but great. Opportunities for newness are everywhere and literally knocking at your door. Have an awesome move to Dallas, and have the spare room for me ready in July.

Kenne loves you so much and very much, very much and so much, and all the ways to say.

Happy birthday!

P.S.- this is my current Facebook status: “30” years ago, my first teacher, my nurse with magical healing kisses and voice, my solid foundation that moves, my biggest fan, my free psychologist and union rep, my defender, my hero… my superwoman, was born today, and I am forever grateful. Happy birthday to my Mommy! 😀

Before it was Cool…

I said that to say this… my short hair was in NO way a response to Amber Rose. I was bald headed while she was still dancing for bands.

Okay, but honestly I wrote this, cause while I’m not doing some crazy diet, get skinny shit for the summer, I have lost quite a few pounds that I’m excited for. I realized that just a shift in my diet has caused pounds to kinda fall off. So, I wanted to share some of my successes with you, and what I’m currently doing. Back to bullet bullets!

1. I changed my attitude about how I look… while this is still a journey, I’m beginning to find more beauty in being big and curvaceous. I follow visuals on Facebook, Instagram, and PinIntrest, of people who celebrate their size. I also have affirmations on my mirror, reminding me to love me. I’ll never be hella skinny. We can see with my chest and leg size, it ain’t gonna happen. LoL. But that’s okay, and maybe skinny isn’t for all of us… and that’s also okay. I actually just want an apple bottom, and I’m’ working on that (okay, maybe saying up, but same difference, right?). LoL

2. I stopped drinking alcohol during the week, and actually no more than like Friday. If I go out, out, then I’ll grab a beer, but I no longer keep alcohol in my house. An now, when I go out, often there is no drinking, so I drink my Fridays and maybe another day in the weekend. Then no more. I’ve noticed my stomach has flattened and my chins are gone. Just from alcohol and, okay, the dietary change.

3. My dietary change. Man, I’m not sure how this goes, but I cut out carbs and sugars. Now, I eat meat, only dark veggies and fruit. I have one teaspoon of sugar in my coffee, and no other. I cook all my food, fry MAYBE once every few months, and cook in only olive oil. My skin has cleared up, cramps lessened, I’m more regular, I feel energetic, and people often shave 4 years off while guessing my age… not bad!

4. On that same note as the diet, I also don’t feel guilty when I do “break” the rules. If I want cookies, I’m going to eat them. If I want pizza, I’m going to eat it. I’m not on a diet, I’ve made dietary changes. I be damned if I’m not going to live because I wanna frozen yogurt or the Dominican coconut candies. I have no health problems, just want to be healthy, but mentally healthy is also important, and how I view food. It’s not the devil, just about moderation.

5. Boy has my water intake increased. I now make my own vitamin water, so I drink 800mL (27+ oz., 3.3 cups) just a lunch now. That doesn’t include the morning glasses I drink, or large water bottle by my bed… While it does mean I make HELLA trips to the bathroom, I know I’m getting it in. My biggest “complaint” is that I’m way too chipper in the morning now, cause energy my body is saving from not having to burn and break down garbage. LoL

 

My fun with water
My fun with water

6. In general, I invest more time in myself. While for work… I don’t care, anything outside of work, I make sure I have a little makeup on and some gloss. Just so I’m always presenting myself… nicely. While I haven’t been able to do the hoochie mama get up… I can show a little more skin and try to wear a little tighter.

7. While I’ve attempted the monthly challenges, I don’t get the same results as the picture… but I have seen results. I’m doing things at home. I’m going to start Zumba with a student and her family, I’m still playing football running laps, walking to practice, doing my own workouts… I actually see more results now then I did when I had a gym membership. Just saying.

In general,  the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to be happy with who you are… I think. You can only be you. If you begin to hate food, or deny yourself of things you want… it usually backfires. You find yourself unable to just live, and actually living for the diet. I’ve slimmed and trimmed, while cooking and eating awesome food, with fresh ingredients. When I wanna snack, I snack… but now, I don’t stuff myself, I throw shit away or put it out. I’m honest about what I do and it’s effects. If I did things with more focus, would it make a bigger difference, hell yeah… but that comes in stride. Right now I want to love me in every stage and not rush to the other… so far its been good. Although not everyone always agrees, many have no clue how far I’ve come.

Ain’t About that Life…

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So I’ve missed my blog, but my life has been so calm (gracia a Dios) that I have nothing to write about. Well, on Thursday, an interesting tidbit has popped up. And… I’m realizing, that I may be a “hard” person. Well, not a hard person, but maybe more selfish then I used to think. But then again… I am an only child.Okay wait, not selfish either… but extremely realistic.

I’ve been talking to a dude for like a month and a half (close to 2). We hang out, speak everyday, and see each other at least once a week… and I figured we were working towards… well, at least dating. LoL. For the last week or so, he kept apologizing for being distant telling me he had many problems, and now we see why. It’s because his ex- girlfriend popped up saying she was 2 months pregnant. He told me they broke up like 4 months ago, and then in a moment of weakness, they did the due… well, this is one reason why condoms should be used.

I figure I’m free now. LoL. I don’t have to support, and I don’t do baby mama drama. If it’s already started with just the giving of the info, imagine the birth of the baby. Now, I feel bad for him, because he wanted a child in a marriage, but the thought that comes to mind is…. well, why didn’t you use a condom, bruh? He says he doesn’t like his ex, hence why an ex… but, he still went back to her, so there is something he does like. Although when I asked if he’d marry her, so he has what he wants, a traditional family, he said he would NOT marry for a child. Okay, I understand that.

But, am I like, supposed to stay? We’re not dating… I’m not his girl… we’re feeling each other out. This is a lot to take on with no commitments. Even if she is the one who’s is going to have the most to deal with, he’s a good dude. He’s going to be involved or put in the middle. Does that mean I have to be there too? Cause I don’t what to be. Does that make me cold? Are my thoughts not valid? Is this why I’m single? LoL. No but seriously.

On a purely selfish note, he’s a young dude. He already doesn’t have that much. And now another mouth to feed (or two), doctors appointments, travel expenses, baby supplies, and this is just what’s needed BEFORE the baby is born. After the baby’s born… Yeah right. Whatever (financial/time) equality that was there in the beginning is gone… and often he saved up for that. This now would be unfair. And this is thought makes me feel hard or unsympathetic  but again there is no commitment between us.

He asked me not to leave, and to stay the same. But, naw. He can’t keep our dates sometimes for everybody else… why should I sacrifice? As a realistic person, if he puts everyone else ahead of me ALREADY… of course he’d put his child and baby moms ahead of me. I’d be disappointed if he didn’t. But I’ve already seen a glimpse of his… strong loyalty to friends. I have no chance. LoL. And to buckle down, if an option, when I already know there is no point… that’s foolish of me.

Of course I have dreams a grander. A knight in shinning Jordan, riding in on a 8- horse powered Audi, and us driving off together towards the sunset of happily ever after, with the top down in the convertible… but I know a dream. But I know, and its realistic, that I deserve dedication, time, love and commitment. And I know this is a serious commitment and change in life. And it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me, and that’s why I should fade into black like Jay. It’s okay. This just happens to be my blog, so I can make it about me. I commend him for his honesty… pero, not my problem. And ain’t no body got time for that.

Humility lvl: Ouch

I often talk about humility, and the fact that much of humanity has lost it. Well, silly me, I always assigned it to wealth. Not showing off, helping others, understanding that I may have more. But I am a proud person. And despite my self issues at time, I have a strong and solid perspective of who I am, how I want to show up in the world.. and even how I do. I don’t have a problem apologizing, but I have a hard time bending. This has been seen in my break down post. I mean, I can be wrong, but I usually am not. I try not to be in places where I am unsure. 

Well, lo and behold, I found myself in a situation this Tuesday where I needed to bow down. I don’t think I was/am wrong, but I am for here. Things I think are inappropriate for the work place are the norm here. And though not terrible bad, just not how I was taught. So, I buckled down and listened. And I had to address the complaints and start off new. 

So I wrote a letter/ blog entry for my students. While I first wanted them to read, I decided, that was a punk way. It’s easy for me to write, because can still hide behind the words and not face. So I read it allowed. And it was the hard as hell to do. To have to admit failure, to apologize and take responsibility is something I rarely have to do. I think it helped, because the students saw human, I make mistakes, and that I will face them. It was good for me, because it was a lesson in humility for me, and a bruise to my ego. But I feel better. I know that I did what was needed to focus and have a better school year. 

And here is the letter. (And mind you my kids think I am emotionless and very hard… and my mother hates that I’m so emotional and a cry baby. LoL) :

 

(I’m writing this in the style in which I write my blog… I usually find that if I number, I can hit the points, with more details and don’t feel I’m missing anything.)

It has come to my attention that I am a bad teacher… I apologize. No one sets a goal to fail, so

  1. I apologize that I have failed you. They say if many kids fail your test/ final, it’s not the students but the teacher. In this case, I am in the teacher. I have failed you. It IS my fault. I apologize. I am currently reworking my curriculum to hopefully make me more successful than I have been.
  2. I was told I am a scary teacher. I don’t mean to be scary. I apologize. I went to private schools my whole life. My teachers were strict and set high goals we had to meet. I’ve been holding you guys to me and that is unfair. This is a different country, and English is your second language. Everyone should be very proud of themselves that they are bilingual, because I am not. You… winning.  But I was also taught and brought up that teachers are NOT your friends. They don’t have to like you. They don’t have to “love” you. They have to want to teach. For you to be successful. For you to esteem to be higher. I didn’t hug my teachers, didn’t have their numbers or even know their first names. That is not the culture here, and it is for me to adjust. I never meant to scare you. And my love is the fact that I want you to grow, develop and become better. If you need a hug… let me know, I do hug… just not something I’m used to in the work place, especially in a high school.
  3. I am human. I make mistakes. I cry. I bleed. You have no idea how many tears I have shed because I don’t seem to be making a difference. It brings me no joy. None, when you guys fail or aren’t successful. I yell and raise my voice because I get frustrated. Sometimes I feel that you don’t even try. That you don’t take even two seconds to think before you speak. But you are a teenagers. This will change. I have no right to get so angry at you, and that is a personal goal I am esteeming to.
  4. I say rough things. I tell the truth the way I like it to be heard and that is raw.  But again, you are not me. I can’t compare you to me, because you are you. I apologize that I am often very harsh and bitter with my truth.  So maybe we can work on something. 1) Maybe to not ask me questions that you really don’t want to hear the truth 2) If you do, remind me of this, so I can figure out ways to see things more genteel. “A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down.”
  5. You have blessed my life more than I can put in words. If you see me with the little kids, you see I am a fluffy- ish person. I am not with teenagers because you are entering adulthood and should be treated maturely, and not babied. But that doesn’t mean that I have not been grateful for this opportunity. This will never be forgotten as long as I live. This has been a chance of a lifetime that not many people would or can do. I’m thankful for this opportunity. Whether or not you think I show it to you, I AM thankful and grateful to you. So thank you.

In all reality there will not be a rapid 180 turn in the class. I WILL work on being better, but I still have high goals for you. I have high goals because I know you are able to achieve them. If goals haven’t been set for you before, or excuses allowed, I’m sorry that I may be a harsh slap in the face. But I have nothing but faith in you and your skill. People don’t get angry or upset at situations that don’t care about, only those where love and emotions are involved. I apologize, again, that I have been such a bad teacher, and hopefully we can make a change in this upcoming semester.